Farewell Talk / Final Reflection

Good morning, brothers and sisters. For those of you who don’t recognize me, my name is Zach Prior. Soon to be Elder Prior. I have been called by the Lord to serve in the Mexico Chihuahua mission. I will go to the Provo MTC for a month, and then enter the field on April 9.

I am so grateful to have the chance to speak to friends, family and loved ones. Many of you know I was supposed to be up here back in October. If you were to compare my story to the scriptures, it would look most like the story of Enos. In that order. My goal today as I speak to all of you, is to inspire some of you who may feel similarly as I once did and share the things I have learned.

I’m gonna be honest. I believe that the only reason somebody should serve a mission is because they personally believe in the gospel and the Book of Mormon to be true, not because their parents want them to. That is my opinion. As a missionary, that’s your whole purpose. To spread the gospel.

That being said, a mission is a great choice regardless of the reasons why you serve. But trust me, you’ll be way better off if you have personally gained a testimony before you go.

For me, it took me until high school graduation to finally start putting the work in. Back when I used to be a priest, I actually stopped going to church for a while. I was under the false impression that everybody would come here on Sunday, “play church,” and then go back to their regular activities without a second thought. I saw it a lot at school, sometimes the way people I knew were members would act. And also, it was myself as well. I would not apply the things I had learned during sacrament meeting into my life during the week. I wouldn’t read my scriptures. I wouldn’t pray to Heavenly Father. Because honestly, I took it for granted. Don’t we all sometimes? I think that’s the only drawback with growing up in the church. I think it’s in our very nature to take stuff for granted in general, like our houses and our beds and all the food that we have every day. The very same applies to the Book of Mormon. I’ve known about it my whole life, yet I never stopped to consider what my life would be like without it and the church where it came from. So I assumed nobody actually had testimonies, and they were all faking it just so they didn’t look bad. Because of that, I stopped going to church for a while and chose to dedicate myself to other things like track and field.

But around April of last year, a month before graduation, I started coming back to church, mainly because of a friend of mine. I began to think about the church and the Book of Mormon again. “Perhaps the Book of Mormon might be true,” I thought. I began to study it every so often.

I remember the day of seminary graduation. May 19, 2024. It’s in my journal. Allow me to share what I wrote: “I was sitting on my front porch reading the scriptures before I had to go to seminary graduation at 4:00. Being rather curious of the pearl of great price, I flipped through some pages and discovered an account of Joseph Smith’s history, [written] by Joseph Smith himself. I read that he had a lot of burning questions in him, and that he observed that there was a “pretendedness” in the way religious converts and priests acted. That’s just how I feel sometimes. I don’t like how on Sunday we get together and talk about the principles of the gospel, and then during the week we don’t apply what we talked about. It drives me nuts. Then I read how Joseph Smith read the scripture “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God…” and went into the woods to say a fervent prayer. Right there, sitting on that deck, I got a strong urge to go someplace in solitude and do the same thing Joseph did. [Perhaps I would get an answer too.] It was a feeling that made me restless and anxious [when I went to] seminary graduation. I wanted to ask of God… I’m unsure if that feeling was the Spirit or not. I think it might’ve been. I don’t usually get impressions that strong."

In hindsight, looking back, I can see that it very much was. I continue in my journal:

“So after seminary graduation was over… I decided to climb a [hill], reach the peak, and say my own prayer to God with all my heart in total solitude. I threw on some sturdy clothes, packed some water, then grabbed my scriptures and left."

I remember on the way up, I thought about my own life and what I’ve observed in the church. I did a lot of pondering about the gospel. I came to the conclusion that even if all the doctrine is false, its principles create goodness in people. Anytime, I can look around in the city I live in and realize that I have it very good here in Utah. In other regions of earth, chaos, confusion, and suffering are woven deep into the fabric of society.

After I reached the summit, I overlooked the city and neighboring cities from a great height. I needed to figure out the truthfulness of this church I was a part of.

So, after reading more about Joseph Smith’s experience, I knelt down on my knees at the summit, and with a loud, firm voice, I asked God if what I had just read was really true and actually happened. I told him it drives me nuts that the “pretendedness” Joseph Smith had mentioned in his day also was present today. I asked Him to help me obtain a more secure knowledge of the gospel.”

Regrettably, Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ did not reveal themselves unto me in the flesh haha. It seemed I did not get an answer to my plea.

I had suspected that would happen. I understood that if god was real, He had a will of his own and does not have to answer my prayers when I expect him to. I just hoped he’d give me a sign or a little boost.

Despite all that, I was filled with a determination to continue to search the scriptures and pray honestly and fervently. The answers won’t come so easily. If God is real, it looks like he wants me to find out the answers for myself.

So on my trek back down, I promised myself and God that I would search for answers in the scriptures every day. I meant it. I refused to linger in uncertainty any longer. It was time to do some digging and find out once and for all if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was true or not. The answer to that question would determine the next few years of my life. If the Book of Mormon was true, then I would most absolutely serve a mission. But if my research led me to discover that it was a false book, and Joseph Smith had lied, then I would leave the church without a second thought.

Thus began my quest to find out for myself if the Book of Mormon was true or false. With each passing day, I would make dedicated time for myself, the Book of Mormon, and Heavenly Father to read and ponder the words which were written down. Sometimes I took trips to the mountains, and I would often bike to the cemetery and sit by my grandma’s grave to do my research. I would read the scriptures with this question in mind: Is it possible for Joseph Smith to make this up? The more I read, the more I thought to myself: “How could it be made up? It seems impossible for someone to make up random stories and details as specific and as meaningful as that!” And I started to notice some things happening to me. While at work, I had a customer with a bold son ask me if I was a member of the church, and if I was going to serve a mission. I told them, “I’m still thinking really hard about that.” The dad nodded and with a smile on his face, told me how amazing missions were and that it was a great idea to go. At some point in my studies, I wrote: “Although I’m still not firm in my testimony yet, I like the idea of serving a mission. Maybe I will go.”

Now, in hindsight, I can see that I was literally unintentionally following the same advice of Alma the younger. Alma 32, verse 28. It reads: “Now, we will compare the word [or the Book of Mormon] unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.”

Note that Alma uses the word “beginneth.” You do not have to be firm in your testimony whatsoever. In fact, this advice is for those who have no testimony. The same was for me. The Book of Mormon was beginning to enlarge my soul and my understanding. It was beginning to be delicious to me. I wasn’t sure if the Book of Mormon was true yet, but I acknowledged the Book of Mormon had an amazing effect on my life.

So I invite those of you who feel like you may not even know if the church is true, or if God is real, or if Joseph Smith was a true prophet. Start small. Start with the Book of Mormon. Start by figuring out if the Book of Mormon was a false, man-made book or if it was true and god-inspired. I promise you, you will receive an answer, and just by studying it, your life will forever change for the better, way better than you ever knew was possible, if you do at least that.

As for me, I finally found my answer on June 4, 2024. I have it written down in my journal. Allow me to share with you again.

“After I got back from the temple [this morning], I grabbed my scriptures and went on the grass in my backyard to [continue my studies.]... Today I read the introduction [to the Book of Mormon] and the account of Mormon and his son Moroni. I first came across a familiar paragraph in the introduction… [A message from the first presidency.] It reads: “We invite all men everywhere to read the Book of Mormon, to ponder in their hearts the message it contains, and then to ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if the book is true. Those who pursue this course and ask in faith will gain a testimony of its truth and divinity by the power of the Holy Ghost.”

There it was. A way I can find out if the Book of Mormon is true once and for all. So I looked a bit deeper into Moroni 10, the chapter containing the promise of Moroni. I remember reading Moroni 10 verse 27. What he wrote there really struck me. Moroni basically says ““Whether you believe me or not, I’m telling you the truth! You will see soon.” It reads:

“And I exhort you to remember these things, for the time speedily cometh that ye shall know that I lie not, for ye shall see me at the bar of God, and the Lord God will say unto you: Did I not declare my words unto you, which were written by this man, like as one crying from the dead, yea, even as one speaking out of the dust?”

It was those three words. I lie not. Those three words really stuck out to me. I was inclined to believe Moroni, but I needed to put it to the test.

I got on my knees, and this is what I said out loud to Heavenly Father. “Father in Heaven, are the words contained in this book true? Did Mormon really witness the destruction of his people, the Nephites? Did Moroni really hide the plates in the Hill Cumorah? Father in Heaven, I ask thee in the name of Christ, is the Book of Mormon true?

I waited.

I listened. Would the Holy Ghost confirm of its truth? And furthermore, would I be able to recognize it?

Just as I began to think I’d get nothing for an answer again, a strong, warm feeling entered my stomach and a chill went down my spine. My heart started pounding in my chest.

At first, I didn’t even know what I was feeling. “Is this the Spirit?” I asked out loud.

In response, the warmness increased, and another chill went down my spine. This HAD to be the Holy Ghost. I had no input on this feeling. It was happening all on its own.

A smile crept on my face and I laughed a little bit. My mind turned towards serving a full-time mission. For two years, I could dedicate myself to sharing this gospel of righteousness.

I didn’t think it was possible, but when I thought that, that warm feeling in my stomach increased, and yet ANOTHER chill went down my spine. The very strong joy I previously felt became heavenly. It was the same joy which is described in Helaman 5 verse 44. “That joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.” In that moment, on my knees in fervent prayer in my backyard, a mission was the right path.

For a few moments more, I basked in this joy which I had never known before. Then the feeling slowly faded and I was left to ponder on what had just happened.

That was the Spirit. God had answered my prayers!

I immediately contacted Bishop Hunsaker and said to him, “Bishop, I need to talk to you. I want to put in my papers. I want to serve a mission.”

I went through the rest of the day filled with the Spirit. At work, I saw customers through a celestial perspective! They were my spiritual brothers and sisters! I wanted to help them, do what I could to help them feel a bit better about their day. You all are my spiritual brothers and sisters from the premortal life. Why else do you think we all refer to each other as brothers and sisters?

We have all been sent down here at this time for a reason. These truly are the last days. I believe that this phone that I hold in my hand right now is a big reason why. For the first time in history, distractions, temptations, and the voices of the whole world now walk around with us in our pocket. I’ve witnessed it consume the lives of people at school. I’ve felt it consume my attention and even my well-being.

Yet at the same time, it has the power to connect the whole world in unity. Businesses and relatives far away from each other can communicate instantly! And it has the power to store any and all information! Anytime I want, I can find an answer to whatever question I have! I don’t have to ride my bike to the library anymore!

What I hold in my hand is power. With great power comes great responsibility. You all know the quote.

Brothers and sisters, THAT’S why we’ve been sent here in this day and age! Back in the older days, struggles were visible and physical. Survival was not guaranteed. But nowadays, the problems we face are invisible. We have grocery stores everywhere to feed millions of people! Homes, beds, cars, air conditioning, you name it! We have it all!

Yet we deal with problems that are invisible and unseen. Depression. Self-doubt. Anxiety. Confusion. Voices on the internet, left and right constantly bombarding us telling us who we are, who we should be, and that we’re never doing enough. If you want a prophet to list off the things for you, go listen to the general conference talk called “Voices of the past, present, and future” by President Spencer W. Kimball. We’ve been sent down here not only to deal with these things, but also to press forward in the face of those adversities and participate in the great gathering of the house of Israel.

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As many of you know, I received my call last July and I was originally called to start my mission back in October. So what happened? Why am I up here 3 months later?

I must explain something to you. A very important lesson I learned. No matter how miraculous or powerful of a spiritual experience you have, if you put it on the backburner and begin to stay in the same place with your testimony day by day, you will move backwards. I can give you a clear example of this in the scriptures. Take Laman and Lemuel. They spoke with an angel. As they’re beating up Nephi, the angel literally appears to them and tells them to leave Nephi alone and listen to him. So they did. They wised up for a moment. But as time passed, they began to rebel again because they let the hardships of their life be more important than that experience with the angel.

I am also a present day example of this. But it took some time and some serious opposition for me to lose grip of the iron rod. Over the course of the next two months after I received my call in July, I fervently continued my studies, more excited than ever. I learned so many valuable and sacred things. Sure, I still experienced ups and downs. I still had questions. Yeah, I doubted sometimes. I would try the promise of Moroni again, that I might receive another witness. But every time, I was always brought back to that day with the Holy Ghost on June 4. I clung to that memory. It nurtured my testimony. My life changed for the better. I saw opportunities that I never would have picked up on before, let alone pursue. I volunteered to help out at the fiesta days parade and met a service missionary who later became my trainer when I worked in the temple. The Spirit illuminated my understanding of the scriptures and they began to open my eyes, just like Joseph Smith describes in his record of his history, in the 74th verse. This is him and Oliver Cowdrey. “Our minds being now enlightened, we began to have the scriptures laid open to our understandings, and the true meaning and intention of their more mysterious passages revealed unto us in a manner which we could never attain to previously, nor ever before had thought of.” I can firmly declare that because of my studies and my connection to the Spirit, I experienced a fraction of what Joseph Smith described.

I was firm in my testimony, but I still had many questions. At some point in September, I took it upon myself to tackle some of the more difficult church history topics, such as the past practice of polygamy and the past ban on the priesthood for African Americans. I went over to Deseret Book and bought a couple books, such as Rough Stone Rolling. The more I researched, the more focused I became on clearing away all the fog that the history was enshrouded in.

Soon, that experience with the Holy Ghost became less and less prevalent. And then, I discovered that some of the things that were said online about the church were actually true. So I began to turn to those voices, and seek their perspectives. Little by little, the material slowly transformed from constructive to critical. My testimony started to crumble, and I let the doubts sink in. After listening to hordes of voices with intentions to lead people away from the church, and hearing so many new and unfamiliar things, I found myself pitted against the Church, with a feeling of anger and betrayal. I even dismissed that experience of the Holy Ghost as nothing more than coincidence. My testimony, after several months of careful construction, had completely rotted away.

The farewell, which I once used to look forward to so eagerly, I now dreaded. And it was approaching. I could not bear to go out to try to bring people into something that I didn’t even believe in anymore. I was convinced that the church was not true. And so, I told my parents I wanted to cancel the mission.

And let me just say this right now. My parents are some of the most Christlike people I know on the whole planet. They took my anger and doused it with compassion and understanding. My mother is a smart woman, and she talked me into at least postponing the mission, just in case I changed my mind within 6 months. I was confident that I wouldn’t. With their help and support, I texted bishop Hunsaker and told him that I was going to postpone the mission.

That was hard.

Despite how strongly I felt that I was doing the right thing, I still remember this feeling of regret and misery ensue. I remember when my extended family and friends got the news and reacted in such a Christlike way, I broke out in tears. There was a part of me deep inside that wanted to spread the gospel so badly.

My two biggest choices before I graduated high school were either serve a mission or go travel the world. With the mission eliminated, I decided it was time to leave the nest and go find the truth, somewhere out there in the world. It had to be out there somewhere.

Within a couple days of postponing the mission, some family friends who aren’t members came over and spoke with me. They asked me what I was planning to do. I told them, “I was thinking I’ll go travel in Europe. It’s a great place to start since people speak english there.” Their response affected my journey. They asked me if I had ever heard of the Camino de Santiago. I told them I hadn’t. So we looked it up on youtube and did some research. I was shocked. A 500 mile pilgrimage across Spain? Seeing countless cities, diverse landscapes, and all sorts of different people? A spiritual and religious history? Sign me up!

So, after doing some more research and preparation, I left within three weeks. Alone.

I spent 40 days on that pilgrimage. That journey is a whole different story. To sum it up, I learned so much. I grew independent in an unfamiliar world. I studied the catholic religion and went to many of their masses. I met some of the most amazing and profound people and made many friends.

And I beheld just how chaotic and vast the world was. And most importantly, with each city, town, or village that I passed through, I saw how the majority of people, no matter where they came from, were simply trying to do their best in a harsh world. I learned that mundane, repetitive work was just a part of life. To quote what I wrote on my blog:

“I saw bakers, financial counselors, doctors, tour guides, construction workers, bartenders, businessmen, bus drivers, you name it. I saw mothers and fathers with [their] kids in tow. These well-meaning people exist in all parts of the world and are just trying to make a living… It got me thinking. This isn’t normally something you’d see written on a travel blog, but I want to write it anyway. Work is absolutely an essential part of life. If you want to make a living, you’ll have to work [for it]. That’s a fact. That’s how society operates. That’s how cities are built and economies created. That’s why there’s always such a big push to go to college and get a degree so you can get a career and a house and settle down and live a routine life.

If everybody all at once decided they were done working and wanted to travel around the world for a while, then society would collapse. There would be no more [food] to eat in Europe. All the bakers and restaurant workers would be on break. If all the airline pilots were gone on vacation, I wouldn’t be able to get back to the US unless I take a boat. Oh wait, the ship captains are on vacation too. I guess I’m stuck in Europe.”

Although that journey was an adventure for the ages, I experienced many moments of discouragement, depression, and defeat. They were some of my darkest days. Even though I was exploring the world all on my own, it seemed as though I had something missing from my life. I reflected many times throughout my journey at how much joy I felt and how easy it was to stay motivated and not get discouraged. Some days I barely managed to drag myself out of bed to get up and keep trekking. Walking with a 40 pound backpack, I got a little taste of what it must have been like for my pioneer ancestors who made their journey to Utah all the way from Wales. But at least they didn’t walk alone.

When I finally arrived at my destination, I felt empty inside and without purpose. I was in misery. I remember spending all day inside the hostel in the grand city of Santiago just playing video games and seeking distractions, because I didn’t want to face the fact that I was alone and unhappy. I had friends, sure, which did help me get out of my bed. But that feeling of emptiness was always there, and the misery would inevitably return.

I tried to fight it. I travelled to the Canary Islands for a change of scenery, but I couldn’t escape it. No matter what black sand beach I went to, no matter what soaring cliffs I explored, no matter how crystal clear the water was that I swam in, that misery always followed me around like a phantom.

Soon, I realized I could not keep this up. I was defeated. I had gained the whole world, but nothing gave me that fulfillment. I thought of my emptiness and compared it to that fulfillment and purpose that I had when I was studying the Book of Mormon. It didn’t take long for me to call home and tell my parents that I couldn’t stay out here anymore and I wanted to come home. I had already learned the secret for life everywhere: work. It was a necessity. I would find that no matter where I went in the world. What else could I possibly hope to discover?

That fulfillment I felt when I studied the Book of Mormon was all I wanted again. I wanted this misery to end. I clung to that hope like a lifeline. So I bought plane tickets to return home and hoped to pick up my dusty set of scriptures again. I did not know what else I would do with my life when I got home, but anything was better than where I was currently at. My journey home required many connecting flights. I had successfully completed the majority of my journey and was down to my last flight in the San Francisco airport.

And that’s when the Lord began to do his work in me once more.

My plane had been delayed by 5 hours. Being very tired, I decided to catch some sleep. I set some alarms on my phone so that I wouldn’t sleep through my flight that was scheduled to leave at 8:00 PM.

I woke up at 8:02. My alarms had refused to go off, and the gate had closed. I had slept through my flight. At the gate. I found out that they had even de-planed and boarded for a second time! I slept through all of it! … I had never felt such dread and panic as I did in that moment, nor will I probably ever again.

I talked to the agents at the desk and they said “Sorry, we can’t get you on this flight.” I asked them what my options were. The lady did some typing on her computer and told me that there was a flight scheduled to leave for Salt Lake City tomorrow at 2:00 PM. I asked her, “How much will it cost me?” Do you know what she told me? “Oh, it’s free! Don’t worry about it!”

With a new miracle plane ticket in my hand, I found myself with a whole night to spend at the airport. I went back to sleep and woke up at 5:00 AM. I was in complete solitude. The airport was silent. It was kind of serene. I thought about why I was returning home. I figured I might as well start studying again now, since I had all this time to kill. So for the first time in 2 months, I said a prayer to Heavenly Father. I said to him, “Father in Heaven, I screwed up. I am so sorry. I want to have the Spirit back in my life again. I miss its influence. If you could bless me with thy spirit, it would mean the world, Heavenly Father.”

Even as I prayed, shadows of doubt remained. How could I ask Him of such a thing, with all the things I had done wrong? I would need another miracle for him to answer my prayer. How long would it be before I would experience the sweet presence of the Holy Ghost again?

To my great astonishment, God gave me a reply.

I finished my prayer and paused to listen to the silence that seemed to follow. Rather than turning to the scriptures, which was what I was expecting to do, I had the idea to instead read something called the Light and Truth letter. It was sent to me before I left for Spain by a dear friend of mine. It’s like the opposite of the CES letter. It combats all those accusations against the church with the same logical arguments. In one of those pages, there was a link to Jefferey R. Holland’s “Safety for the Soul” conference talk. I clicked on the link and listened to that talk.

It was as if Jeffrey R. Holland was speaking right to me. So many things that he said were things that applied to me. But it was nothing compared to what he said towards the end of his powerful sermon. And I quote:

“Now, I did not sail with the brother of Jared in crossing an ocean, settling in a new world. I did not hear King Benjamin speak his angelically delivered sermon. I did not proselyte with Alma and Amulek nor witness the fiery death of innocent believers. I was not among the Nephite crowd who touched the wounds of the resurrected Lord, nor did I weep with Mormon and Moroni over the destruction of an entire civilization. But my testimony of this record and the peace it brings to the human heart is as binding and unequivocal as was theirs. Like them, I give my name unto the world, to witness unto the world that which I have seen. And like them, I lie not, God bearing witness of it.”

Brothers and sisters, that phrase. I lie not. It brought me back to that day on June 4. When Heavenly Father answered my prayers with the most powerful influence of the Holy Ghost in my backyard. And in that moment, all by myself at the airport, the Spirit returned. I could feel that same “joy which is unspeakable and full of glory.”

My misery was gone.

I immediately called my parents, my grandpa, my uncle, and my bishop. With great joy I told them I wanted to serve my mission as soon as I could.

I returned home, and now here I am, speaking to all of you. Nothing can take away my testimony of the grace of God and the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. Nothing.

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I want to share one last thing with you, if I even have the time. During my studies, I learned many things, but I want to share with you all one of the most important things I learned from the scriptures.

It’s about the essence of faith. I want you to know that it is impossible to display faith without experiencing doubt. Faith requires doubt. And faith itself is not the absence of doubt, and I can prove it to you.

Helaman 5. The descendants of Lehi and Nephi, with the same names, have been imprisoned and are about to be murdered by a band of 300 wicked lamanites. But a cloud of darkness overshadows them, and renders them afraid and unavailable to move.

One of the men, whose name is Aminadab, actually used to be part of the church of God. He sees Nephi and Lehi looking up as if they were speaking with angels. He turns to the rest of his group and tells them to look. They look, and see the same thing. Then, in fear, they ask him this. Verse 40. ““What shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?” 41. “41. And aminadab said unto them: you must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ.”

And so they did. They cried unto God. And you know what? I betcha half of them were thinking: “I don’t believe in God. I don’t think this will work, but it’s worth a shot.”

And guess what happens? The cloud of darkness disperses, the heavens open, and they’re filled with that joy which is unspeakable and full of glory, the Holy Ghost. And then God speaks to them and tells them this. Verse 47. “Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world.”

I’m sorry, did He say faith? Weren’t these guys going to kill the prophets a few minutes ago? That tells me something, brothers and sisters. If Heavenly Father forgave those 300 wicked and murderous lamanites for the sliver of faith that they showed, just imagine His love for you. He knows you. He knows you’re doing good things. He is proud of you, and He knows your potential.

I leave my firm testimony with you brothers and sisters. Christ lives. I say these things in His Holy name, amen.